White Trash Pools 101

 

We got our little above ground pool set up a couple of weeks ago, just in time for the long heat wave.  Last year I called it a white trash pool, and my readers thought that was funny.  So this year I'm adding a few tips for you in case you want to create your own white trash pool.

The key to maximizing your white trash pool is to insist on wearing a life jacket even though it's only 3 feet deep - if that.  Also, get huge floaties that take up large amounts of pool space.

If these don't do it for you, and you really want to over-achieve, here are a few other ideas:

1.  Make sure your pool is in the front of your yard, as close to the road as possible.

2.  Place your pool up on cement blocks.

3.  If you don't have a floating beer cooler, you might try moving your fridge outside (preferably a pea green fridge from the 70s) and running extension cords across your yard to keep it going.  If your extension cords don't reach, you can still leave them out for decoration, and just fill your fridge with bags of ice (just $1 at McDonalds!) to keep things cold.

4.  Never mow around your pool.  You will want to enjoy whatever weeds or wildflowers might come up.

5.  Likewise, don't bother bringing your towels inside after you use them.  Just drape them over the weeds and they'll dry out for use again tomorrow.

6.  Build a ramp so your hound dogs can get into the pool.  You can use whatever is handy to build the ramp - old car parts, last year's Christmas tree, or your neighbor's fence that you've always hated.

7.  Place furniture strategically around the pool in case you get tired of swimming but still want to talk with your buddies.  Old couches are great, but you might also consider recliners and weight lifting benches as places that are nice for sitting.

8.  Christmas lights!  Run them all around the edges of the pool for night swimming.  But don't stop there!  Bring out your 5 foot light up Santa too!  After all, it's his summer vacation and he might as well get in a swim.  

9.  Pink flamingos.  As many as you can find.  At least a hundred.  'Nuff said.

10.  And finally.  Your biggest deer skull.  Mounted on a 10 foot pole, just next to the pool.

Now you're ready for some summer fun!